


five more minutes

by hwanghibli



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Like, M/M, Really damn sad, angst angst angst angst angst angst, changlix, really sad, very angsty, very vague references to depression and other related topics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 10:09:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16952004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwanghibli/pseuds/hwanghibli
Summary: changbin is an insomniac that loves to fall asleep (or at least try to fall asleep) to felix’s heartbeat.





	five more minutes

his feet are cold in the morning.

 

lying all alone, by himself on a cold bed made to be shared by two.

 

with bloodshot eyes and a heavy body.

 

he dragged himself to get ready for the day.

 

shower, dress, eat, brush, out the door.

 

his day seemingly went by in a blink of an eye. his mind and body was on autopilot the whole day, and suddenly felix finds himself back in bed with pajamas on.

 

felix tossed and turned for what felt like the millionth time tonight. no matter what position he tried to sleep in, how long he closed his eyes, or how many sheep he counted.

 

 _he_ _just_ _couldn’t_ _fall_ _asleep_.

 

“this happens every night. you should be used to it by now.” he whispers frustratedly at himself.

 

he knows that there’s literally nothing he can do to help himself fall asleep except to wait for drowsiness to finally hit him.

 

he waits every hour, every minute, every second, to experience even just a wink of sleep. despite knowing that he wakes up feeling more tired and restless than the day before, and it repeats. the restlessness and sleeplessness mercilessly keeps going on and on and on.

 

every _month_ , every _week_ , every _day_.

 

An endless cycle of waking up restless and failing to sleep.

 

he rose up from his bed, walked towards the window, and opened the blinds to see stars illuminating the dark and vast empty sky like paint splattered onto an empty canvas.

 

he smiled bitterly. the night sky always reminded him of such a happy memory turned sad and lonely.

 

he closed the blinds and got back in bed. he shut his eyes tight, thinking and hoping that if he could shut it tight enough he could also shut out the memories he desperately did not want to remember.

 

what he fails to understand is, you can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel.

 

the harder he tried to block them out, the more his mind is flooded with them.

 

*

 

“hey, felix.”

 

“yeah?”

 

“your freckles remind me of the stars in the sky and how they come together to form a constellation, except your constellation doesn’t look complete yet.”

 

“you are the star that completes my constellation.”

 

*

 

with a single tear running down his cheek, he finally fell asleep.

 

felix wasn’t always like this. there was a time when he didn’t toss and turn all night, or need to count enough sheep to fill dozens of barns before being able to fall asleep. a time when he wasn’t cursed with insomnia.

 

that time was when changbin was still alive.

 

why did changbin cross the road?

 

that was a question that’s constantly on felix’s mind. actually, there’s lots of questions inside his head. questions that will never be answered. hundreds of whys and hows, what ifs and could have beens all plaguing his mind with curiosity and the burning desire to know.

 

to know, why he did what he did.

 

most importantly, why didn’t changbin tell him?

 

what if he had informed felix? he could’ve done something! anything!  


no.

 

no.

 

_no._

 

he should have known even if changbin didn’t tell him.

 

at least, that’s what felix thinks.

 

guilt drowns him out and swallows him whole.

 

he should have known.

he should have known.

he should have known.

 

_he._

should.

_have._

_known._

 

but he didn’t.

 

to be fair, no one did.

 

felix will never know why changbin decided to go early, but one thing he does know is that,

 

changbin had to get to the other side.

 

no word can describe the state of absolute devastation felix felt when he heard the news. he was an absolute wreck and wouldn’t come out of his room for weeks. the only time he would ever leave his room was to go to the bathroom or get food, even then he would only come out on average two maybe three times a day.

 

the two of them truly loved each other very much. more than words can explain, or actions can show. their love for each other overflows their heart.

 

changbin was the brightest star felix had ever seen. he illuminated the lives of those around him.

 

especially felix’s life.

 

but the brightest lights really do produce the darkest shadows, huh?

 

changbin is an insomniac.

 

or should it be was?

 

whatever the case, it doesn’t change the fact that changbin can’t sleep. he would end up staying awake for four, five, even six days at a time.

 

at least, until he met felix.

 

his insomnia didn’t magically vanish upon meeting the love of his life though unlike how most media portray mental disorders as this  romanticised illness that can be cured by meeting your one true love. however, it is undeniable that felix helped him out a lot.

 

he can’t explain why or how nor does he know the reason but he just feels calm when felix is around.

 

although it’s not the most foolproof way to fall asleep, in fact it’s failed more than half of changbin’s sleepless nights, falling asleep to felix’s heartbeat was changbin’s favourite way to fall asleep.

 

his feet are warm in the morning.

 

lying side by side, together on a bed made for the two.

 

with happy eyes and a warm body.

 

changbin’s head is on felix’s chest, with felix having an arm wrapped around the tiny changbin’s side.

 

“hey, felix?”

 

“yeah?”

 

“i love to listen to your heart beat.”

 

“it beats just for you.”

 

felix wakes up, reaching out to the empty space in front of him, immediately reeling his arms back upon realising there’s no one there to reach out to.

 

“he was just here.” felix spoke softly, so so softly, softer than even a whisper.

 

“he was just here.” he repeated, this time choking on his words as tears start to blur his vision, his hands shaking.

 

his feet are cold in the morning.

 

lying all alone, by himself on a cold bed made to be shared by two.

 

with tear-filled eyes and a heavy heart.

 

he misses falling asleep and waking up next to changbin. he misses the feeling of having him in his arms. he misses the way he would smile. he misses his voice, his smell, his warmth.

 

 _he_ _misses_ _the person his heart beats for._

he didn’t want to wake up from the dream of holding changbin tight.

 

he doesn’t want to wake up in a world without changbin by his side.

 

he pleads, he begs, to not be woken up and torn away from the man of his dreams.

 

even if changbin sleeping soundly in his arms, his chin on top of his head, and their feet all tangled up is just a dream.

 

even if it’s all just a _damn_ dream.

 

please don’t wake him up.

 

_five more minutes._

 

**Author's Note:**

> my first piece of work that i actually like ♡ i hope you guys liked it !


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